I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
