Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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