Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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