Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need to sanitize my soul.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
