you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
