i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
