Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
