Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
