for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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