I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I enjoy the company of your penis
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
