Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
