you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You need a sexual gate keeper
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
