So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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