Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
