He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
