Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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