i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
