Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
