tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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