I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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