I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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