im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
