i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
