I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
