Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
