I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
