the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
