you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
