I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
