When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
