we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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