Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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