I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
