Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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