All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
