I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
