May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
