...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
