Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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