mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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