did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
