if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
