i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize
