He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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