Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
