Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
