how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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