when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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