She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You ruined the universe
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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