If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
