She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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