wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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