omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
