I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i believe in u and ur pee
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
