Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
