Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
